The New Reality Show

Really exciting news. I’ve just done an exclusive multi media, multi platform, multi sensory, multi cultural, multi million pound deal to produce and star in a series of motivational films.

Entitled ‘The Kebab Chakra’ – the series will be filmed on location across Edmonton using doner symbolism to reflect the spiral of life and the transcendental gateway of perpetual motion.

Half TV show and half omni dimensional portal – The Kebab Chakra will chart the fusion of yogic exercises outside the pub, shamanic voyaging on the night bus, levitating toward the pavement, and the tantric mysteries revealed by taking too many drugs to function in the purely physical realm.

Featuring special guests like Jacob Rees Mogg on healthy canned food and the post materialist blessings of Brexit, my mate Dave dressed as Osiris, a talking duck who recites the ancient mantra of ‘Quack’ and Mr Motivator’s nan, the series is shaping up to be part weight loss program, part flatulent ayahuasca ritual and part late night bid to engage with millienials through dated banter.

The deal is totally done – been fighting off Netflix, the BBC, Sky Sports, Dave and UK Gold – but I’m starting a crowdfunding campaign anyway after a flurry of letters from my mum saying you’d all want to be involved.

If anyone would like to be on camera looking amazed as I fall over, do a couple of squat thrusts and then enter the spirit world / pass out – let me know. Only ugly people welcome as the bar is low and the network have specifically requested no-one steals the limelight.

Lamb, beef, chicken or unidentified rodent – we’re open to all races and cultures. Once the doner turns – we are all one..

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