Author: Cyrus Bozorgmehr

We hear an awful lot of conspiracy drenched ideas about how some shadowy elite or other is plotting world domination. But while it’s not quite as box office, the current state of international politics is so utterly beset by incompetence that you have to wonder how we made it this far as a species.

There’s no doubt that systems, especially economic systems are extremely sophisticated social structures. But they largely run themselves, incentivized by reward, dehumanized by abstraction, galvanized by procedure, and far from dependent on individual judgment.

How did we get to a point where a contemporary empire could be so dazzlingly inept? The greatest triumph of US foreign policy was the rebuilding of Europe into a stable, liberal partner through initiatives like the Marshall Plan. It took real vision to understand that the only way to tame German militarism was to substitute it with economic strength. Same with Japan. America’s bitterest enemies in World War 2 were converted into strong allies.

But almost every other strategic decision has displayed a stunning propensity for self harm. the Vietnam War, the Iraq War, the Bay of Pigs, the endless meddling in banana republics, arming groups that end up enemies – honestly, if this was a business, the shareholders would have stripped out the boardroom fittings by now.

Take North Korea and Iran. Everything North Korea says is underpinned by defense. They’re shit scared by the amount of US military bases on their doorstep, the Americans invaded them in living memory and they have all the paranoia of isolationism, so sabre rattling by America seems like an existential threat. How do you diffuse the crisis? By making them feel safe and recognising outreach as strength rather than weakness. The more the Americans up the stakes, the less the Koreans have to lose. They already feel they’re in a fight for their lives – endlessly confirming that just draws us closer to nuclear war.

Same with Iran. If the US had just beamed in cultural and economic rather than military imperialism, this theocracy would probably be gone by now. Every time a young, educated population looked like asserting themselves, the Americans would make a threat and everyone would reunify behind the national government.

The problem with propaganda is that too many in power have gotten high on their own supply. Thinking you’re in a B-list Hollywood film isn’t helping with the decision making process, and the more obvious this one dimensional view of the world becomes – where threats are Plan A, B, C and D, the more you have to ask…

Nuclear weapons have only existed for 70 years and we’ve still nearly killed ourselves. How much longer will our luck hold out if the people in charge of them don’t grow some strategic sense even if a pacifist ideal is way too much to hope for?

So – after a second bottle of wine and the total lack of any adult supervision, a profoundly misguided manscaping operation has escalated into what can only be described as a life threatening injury.

It all started innocently enough with some experimental waxing. Despite being shitfaced and immune to pain – this proved to be a poor strategic decision. Approximately 1 milimetre into proceedings, the realization that I had over committed began to dawn, and after googling solvents in vain, the devastating absence of an exit strategy sharpened into vivid focus.

There was only one thing for it. Grit your fucking teeth and get it over with. Staring apprehensively at the crime scene, I took a deep breath, pulled for all I was worth, slipped on the tiles, banged my head on the kitchen wall and twisted my dodgy knee again.

Am now in the hospital waiting room awaiting some form of prescription medication. The crowning insult being that the fucking wax paper thing is still attached and still needs to be dealt with. Forgot to put any boxers on too – so if the doctor wants me to take my trousers off to examine my swollen leg, we’re going to enter some very weird territory. Though on the bright side, at least I’ll have some decent narcotics to soften the blow.

Saturday nights aren’t nearly as good as they used to be.

Can’t help wondering if there’s an evolutionary purpose to collective amnesia.

Have to ask how, in such a documented age, we as a species are still able to resolutely resist the lessons of history. Whether it’s populists in Europe ignoring the industrial slaughter of two world wars to pursue muscular nationalism or braying Brexiteers forgetting the state the UK was in during the 70’s, it’s a pretty universal theme.

There seems to be this sense of assured stability that makes people think they can play with fire and not get burned. No chance of a fascist dictatorship here, so sounding a bit xenophobic won’t matter. No chance of another world war, so let’s recklessly wank off some testosterone.

And you have to wonder if this hardwired amnesia is yin to the golden age’s yang – that mythical past where everything was glorious. ‘Take Back Control’, ‘Make America Great Again’ – it all taps into that same serotonin soaked fantasy every generation before us hawked in kind.

Maybe evolution is actually a quantum phenomenon – it feels both linear and cyclical so even as some elements march in lockstepped progress, others just keep going round tragedy’s carousel.

I remember the first time I noticed evolutionary amnesia was the speed with which one forgets the stress of a new born baby. After a couple of years, all you remember is the smiles and suddenly you’re right up for a second one – fair play nature, it’s a blinding way to ensure we keep reproducing.

But this? There has to be a deeper reason for it surely – this propensity to self destruct like clockwork despite all the warning signs seems just too visceral to be chance.